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About two years ago I discovered the timeless beauty, joy, and rituals of the Old Religion; (or, rather, it "discovered" me) as in the simple truth of the time-less saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."
I had been raised in the Christian faith as a child; and by the time I reached my early teens, I was full of questions, and even more full of doubts. I tried (in vain) to seek answers to my many questions, but never found the sense of peace or strong faith that a commitment to a particular religion was supposed to bring. I had always felt closest to Deity during a magical walk through the woods on one of our annual family camping trips, or while sitting outside under one of our Russian olive trees, listening to my horse, Reflection, as she crunched and chomped on some freshly-cut alfalfa hay. Memories of those languid days still bring me back to the place in my heart where I believe that we, as countless generations before, have found that place within ourselves where we're all of like mind and spirit.
My quest for knowledge on this new spiritual path started with a simple visit to several Wiccan/Pagan websites; (most notably "The Witches Voice") plus a few unsavory sites dealing with religious intolerance, just so I could get some idea of what followers of Pagan paths were up against; I was both fascinated and appalled by what I found on those sites, but before I completely digress.....
At the start of my new spiritual journey, I was elated to the point of near-giddiness at the prospect of all the knowledge that lay before me, like a package at Yuletide, just waiting to be unwrapped! I visited every Pagan (and anti-Pagan) site on the Internet, made special trips to numerous new-age stores to read every magazine that I could find, and bought countless books covering a wide range of topics such as spellwork, divination, pathworking, altar construction, god and goddess pantheons, as well as books and articles about important Pagan sabbats, the wheel of the year, and a host of other topics. I was hooked. The Lord and Lady had been gently summoning me, and I was finally to a point in my life where I was receptive to their callings! Several months (and several hundred dollars!) later, I felt I was ready for the next logical step - to make (or buy, depending upon my level of skill and creativity) my ritual tools. I traipsed all over our little parcel of land, searching for the perfect fallen branch and fluffy, cast-off feathers for my handmade wand, and even put together a lovely ceremonial pentacle from a round wood base, twigs, some paint, and dried flowers.
I browsed the local new-age gift stores for the perfect cast-iron cauldron, a pretty blue altar cloth, the longest-burning candles (in all the right colors!) and, of course, a wonderful assortment of herbs and incense. I brought home a cute little broom from a local thrift shop, and wrapped the handle with fabric embroidered with rune-like symbols. A small seashell that I'd picked up on the coast in Florida held my ritual salt, and for my birthday that year, I treated myself to a gorgeous chalice from a unique, out-of-the-way shop that caters to a Pagan/Wiccan clientele. I began writing copious amounts of poetry with mostly Pagan overtones, which I later submitted to quite a number of magazines. I'd never felt so "centered" spiritually-speaking, in my entire life.
"This is definitely a good thing," I remember thinking, "maybe this is what all those people who gathered in the Baptist church every Sunday felt. But I never did. Now it's my turn to feel just as whole."
In the months that followed, I quietly held a self-dedication ceremony in the privacy of my livingroom, using our raised fireplace hearth as an altar. The same hearth was the site of many private rituals to follow, each commemorating a turn in the Wheel of the Year, the occasional spell for courage before a job interview, healing words for a friend following the loss of her mother, and even a spell or two to banish negative energies that seemed to be hovering too closely about!
After around a year and one-half of solitary practice, I began considering the exciting possibilites of seeking out other like-minded Wiccans. I longed for companionship during the sabbats in particular, not to mention longing for someone to bounce ideas, questions, and philosophical points of view off of. The hard part was knowing where to start looking! Although I live in southern California, (which conjures up images of liberal, freethinking tolerance and open-mindedness) the particular pocket of southwestern Riverside county in which I reluctantly reside is a hotbed of fundamentalism - political conservatism coupled with religious intolerance is most assuredly the "A" ticket down here! From billboards off the 15 freeway to the bumper-stickers on countless minivans and S.U.V.s, evangelical "storefront" type churches on every streetcorner (as well as the much larger ones being erected on once-protected vineyards), it's not exactly Pagan-friendly. I was becoming one lonely witch...
I began shopping around online for Pagan penpals, and even heard from a couple of nice people who lived rather close to my town. We wrote brief letters of introduction, and made vague plans to get together at a local coffeehouse - nothing too threatening or intimate - but for any number of reasons, (conflicting work/school schedules chiefly among them) nothing ever panned out. I then started to consider the idea of advertising for Pagan friends on my local community college's message board, but was curtly dismissed by a staff member who was, unfortunately, in charge of which advertisements made it to the bulletin board. I felt rather marginalized by this exchange, and vowed that (when my schedule permitted) I would take this issue up for review by the college powers-that-be. I also flirted with the idea of creating an on-campus Pagan club, but as of this writing, I haven't yet pursued this venue. But I still might!
So far now, I've come to the realization that I've found a new twist in the solitary Wiccan path - and I call it "Isolationist Wicca." I don't coin this term in a brooding, melancholy way; I try to use it in a humorous sense - sort of like a petite person describing themselves as "vertically challenged" instead of short! I still long for like-minded friends, get teased by well-meaning friends and family members
for my newfound beliefs, and I'm reluctant to share spiritual epiphanies with folks who might dismiss the Old Religion as silly, illogical (or worse - Satanic! Gasp! Old superstitions die hard.)
I will keep searching for those elusive spiritual soul mates, but in the meantime, I'll continue walking my sometimes lonesome, but nevertheless rewarding, journey. One of the highlights of being an Isolationist Wiccan is opening my mailbox every few weeks and finding a new issue of Goat and Candle. Although I've never met Quill or the Frater, nor do I live close enough to participate in the many activities that are mentioned in the news-letter, I feel like I know all of you in a sense - by our beliefs, our fierce sense of individualism, and our continuing effort to share in the many blessings and downright beauty of this world we inhabit.
And for now, that's all I really need for a sense of community and well-being!
- Melinda Bradbury